In Retrospect
“In Retrospect feels like a post-mortem on my childhood - not in a bitter way, but as if I’m piecing together fragments from a distance I didn’t realize I needed.”
This song is a reflection on my childhood. It's a very big picture reflection, looking at it from an almost third-party perspective. It feels like I'm looking at my childhood from a million miles away when writing and singing this song. I feel like it has a touch of dissociation to it which is why it feels so far away. It's like a summary or post-mortem on my childhood. If dissociation was an emotion, this song would have that as the emotion.
About the song
Lyrics
It’s funny how I fight back
I feel at home with tension in the room
No matter how you slice that
I’m just not myself if I’m not hurt by you
Therapy’s not working
Sarafem’s not kicking in
All this bad shit happened
I was told to hold it in
I sing about redemption and how it never came
Cause in retrospect, I like the pain
Lungs on fire, head under water
My mind is a weapon, Cold War inside my head
It fuels my obsession, cause who am I if not a wreck?
It seems I’m kind of fucked up in retrospect
I thought he was praying
Turned out there was no one listening
She threw us on the kitchen floor
Bruises bloom where clothes are torn
It taught me what love means
Therapy’s not working
Sarafem’s not kicking in
I open up my scars so
I can bleed again
It proves that my heart beats inside my dead, cold chest
It seems I’m kind of fucked up in retrospect
Lungs on fire, Head under water
My mind is a weapon; Cold War inside my head
It fuels my obsession, cause who am I if not a wreck?
It seems I’m kind of fucked up in retrospect
Have you met another, another like me? (Like Me)
Have you seen a mind so riddled with disease? (With disease)
Have you met another, another like me? (Are you like me?)
How can I erase everything I’ve seen?
Lungs on fire, head under water
My mind is a weapon; Cold War inside my head
It fuels my obsession, cause who am I if not a wreck?
It seems I’m kind of fucked up, it seems I’m kind of fucked
Lungs on fire
Cause who am I if not a wreck?
Head under water
Who am I if not a wreck?
It fuels my obsession
Cause who am I if not a wreck?
It seems I’m kind of fucked up in retrospect
